Ian,
I'm sorry for your pain and I pray for your healing and peace of mind often. I may have picked it up wrong but after your last post it felt like you were some how trying to appoligize for failing in your quest to beat this on a milder level and feeling weak somehow for having to work up to something bigger. You are not weak...Your enemy is just strong.
I see your story as a hostage situation. You have been taken hostage by the enemy. In the beginning you know nothing of your captor, how strong or weak he is. After doing some time with him you find out he is strong and mean. Enters the negotiations. Negotiators never start with the big stuff, they start small and work their way up as they get to know the enemy and what it's demands are. The whole time the S.W.A.T. team is getting ready behind the scenes just in case it is needed. The enemy for the most part is staying calm thru negotiation but still showing it's force. You are doing everything in your power to stay calm and keep the enemy calm. The enemy is raising it's demands and you and the negotiators do what you have to, to balance the situation. The S.W.A.T. team is ready and waiting. The ultimate goal is surrender of the enemy with as little injury to the hostage as possible. As the enemy gets tired and irrational S.W.A.T. may have to come in and storm it for your survival.
If you do have to resort to the heavy artillery you have made your body much healthier and stronger then it was in the beginning to fend off the assault. You can run faster and jump higher. You have done good my friend. I hope this makes sense.
My continuing prayers for you and your family.
